There’s a right way to use sarcasm that makes other people think you’re funny. There’s also a wrong way that makes people see you as an antisocial loser from a mile away. What’s worse is that both ways look very similar on the surface. Most shy people accidentally use sarcasm the wrong way.

Do you want to know what the difference is between the right way and the wrong way?

The Wrong Way:

Bob: “Where can I find a knife?”

You: “Make sure you don’t look in the knife drawer. We obviously don’t keep knives in there.”

The Right Way

Bob: “Where can I find a knife?”

You: “In the knife drawer.”

The right way to use sarcasm is to not use it at all. Bob was just asking a straightforward question. Most people would answer it in a straightforward way. Shy people have the urge to use sarcasm for several reasons.

Why Do Shy People Use Sarcasm?

It’s a way to hide your true feelings.You have trouble coming up with something REAL to say, so you resort to sarcasm as a way to talk.

Using sarcasm is also the easiest way to give other people the impression of self confidence. It helps break the ice when you meet someone new.

Unfortunately, sarcasm gets annoying really fast. WhenI talk to other shy people from the perspective of an outgoing person, it can be frustrating. I might be  just asking general questions, and I keep getting sarcastic replies, like the other person doesn’t know how to make normal everyday conversation.

That’s why you should learn to use sarcasm the right way. People will get annoyed at you, but you’ll just keep saying sarcastic things. Soon nobody will be too enthusiastic to talk to you.

How Can I Stop Using Sarcasm?

First, learn how to make small talk and carry on a conversation. I’ll be making more posts on this in the future and may even write a small ebook on it soon. Keep checking back to this website for more tips.

The reason why you have to learn how to make small talk is because you need to have something to say. The main reason why you use sarcasm so much is because you have nothing else of substance to tell the other person. Sarcasm is a crutch that helps you actually say something once in a while.

By learning basic conversational skills you replace sarcasm with better habits.

Give Straightforward Replies

If someone asks you a question, even if the answer is stupidly simple and obvious, don’t use sarcasm. Just answer their question. If you follow through with the tip I gave you above, and learn some conversational skills, you won’t need sarcasm to say something or express yourself anymore.

Example of the Right Way: (from above)

Bob: “Where can I find a knife?”

You: “In the knife drawer.”

See how easy it is?

What Else Will I Talk About?

Many shy people are scared to stop using sarcasm because they’re afraid that without it, they’ll stop talking completely. This isn’t true. Think of all the outgoing people you’ve seen. Most of them almost never use sarcasm, yet they still talk and connect with people. 

The reason why you’re scared is because the main way you talk to people is by answering their questions. Outside of that, you don’t know what you’re supposed to talk about. By using these windows of opportunity when people ask you something to be sarcastic, you might get a quick laugh and feel more social for a minute.

But if you don’t talk to someone outside of answering their questions sarcastically, no real friendship or relationship is possible.

Won’t I Lose My Personality?

Sarcasm isn’t part of your personality. Sarcasm is a habit you’ve developed over time.

It’s a habit you should try to get rid of because of all the reasons I told you above. Sarcasm may be a short-term solution if you want to feel less antisocial, but it won’t make you less antisocial. All it does is give you a small, bitter type of feeling that you aren’t that shy, that lasts for about 20 seconds.

The only way to become less shy is to learn how to talk to people. To do this you’re going to have to give up the old habits you developed being shy. That includes sarcasm.

And one more thing. You don’t have to be sarcastic to be funny. The main thing to remember is that sarcasm is funny to most people only for the first one or two times. Then it gets boring to talk to you. Believe me, there are many, many ways to be funny without using sarcasm.

Aren’t Some Outgoing People Sarcastic?

Yes, there are plenty of people who aren’t shy and are sarcastic. Does this mean sarcasm isn’t related to shyness?

The answer lies in when outgoing people use shyness compared to when shy people do. An outgoing person can talk normally and be sarcastic and people will find him or her funny.

When a shy person uses sarcasm, it is only after someone has asked them a question. That’s the key point.

If you want to overcome shyness, you have to learn how to carry on a real conversation, without using automated sarcastic replies to questions all the time. I know the idea makes you a little nervous inside because sarcasm is a comfort mechanism for many shy people.

Sarcasm For Shy People: Step-By-Step

Here’s a quick run-down of the guide to sarcasm for shy people:

1. Sarcasm is what shy people do when they don’t have anything REAL to say. If you really want to overcome shyness, you have to give up being sarcastic.
2. Replace sarcasm by learning conversation skills and small talk.
3. Give straightforward replies to straightforward questions. Avoid sarcasm at all costs.

By now you realize you don’t need sarcasm. If you want to get over being shy, it’s something you’re going to have to give up.

Try this: the next time you’re tempted to give someone a sarcastic reply, try giving them a straightforward answer. See how it goes. What have you got to lose?

Photo by Gytis