But first, let me ask you:

• Have you ever done the wrong thing when you were under social pressure? (Like if someone told you: “You’re quiet” or “You’re shy” and you didn’t know what to do next)…
• Have you ever thought about a social situation that went badly over and over again, now knowing what you should have done?
• Has your shyness ever STOPPED you from doing something that may have earned you recognition or a friend?

The worst part about this one is that you sometimes feel like you want a time machine. If you could just  go back in time and correct your mistake, someone would like you better.

If you’re like I was when I first started trying to overcome my shyness, then you’ve been in one or more of these situations – probably MANY TIMES.

And what’s the WORST part about going through one of these things?

Well, if you ask me, the most PAINFUL part of it is that as you’re going through it, you always KNOW that it’s your own mind that’s screwing things up!

It’s not that you don’t know what to do.

It’s that you’re so busy thinking about what to do, that you start to get very self-conscious. When you finally do something, it comes out weird and unnatural.

And that’s the part that really sucks.

MY BIG “AH-HA”

After a lot of hard work, I found the “answer” to these types of problems.

It may sound simple when I tell you, but don’t be fooled…

This is some “hard-earned wisdom”.

When I started trying to “do the right thing”, I would always tend to think up of the right thing to do as I had to do it.

Makes sense, right?

For instance, if someone called me shy or quiet, I would try to think up of something to say that didn’t make it seem as if I was shy or quiet.

I’d pass by someone on the street and think of where was the most natural place to look as I was walking by.

I’d see a girl I liked and try to think up of a good opening line as I stood there, looking at her.

I’d think up of the best way to answer questions like “Hey, how’s it going?” right after someone asked me.

In short, I was always trying to think up of the right thing to do next in every social situation as the situations came up.

But what I found was that when it comes to reacting in social situations, if you just thing about what you’re going to do, you’re not actually doing it!

You’re Stuck In A Loop!

For instance, I usually wound up taking FAR TOO LONG thinking about what I was going to say next in conversations. Those slight pauses and off-timing were really screwing me up when it came to small talk with people.

I usually ended up feeling awkward passing almost anyone on the street, because each time I was wondering to myself: “Am I acting normal?” EVERY SINGLE TIME.

I almost never approached girls because I was too busy thinking about what I should say, and slowly fear built up to a critical point, and I just didn’t do it.

And whenever someone asked me “Hey, how’s it going?”, I started to freak out and think of what to say, without telling them that I had spent all my free time alone in my house.

The real “Ah-Ha!” moment came for me when I had a simple realization: I realized that instead of thinking of what to do on the spot, I would have to think of what to do BEFOREHAND.

In other words, instead of forcing myself “into my head” I needed to use my head before I went into a social situation and know what to do before the situation even came up. I needed to create “default actions” I could use in common social situations.

For example, I should have a right way of walking past people that I would use every single time I walked past someone. And I would figure out the right way BEFORE I was actually walking past someone. That way I’m never stuck thinking “Does what I’m doing seem natural?”

That one simple shift in thinking changed my focus, took me in a brand-new direction, and ultimately had a major effect on my long-term success in overcoming shyness and my success with improving my social life.

Default Actions Are The Answer!

Eventually I took all the “default actions” I had made up and I created an entire SYSTEM to teach you how to eliminate the feeling of not knowing what you should do and instead have responses that are natural and cool.

It’s all in the book I’m writing, which may be called “Stop Your Shyness”.

Inside are the exact “default actions” I use in sitations such as:

• When you have to make eye contact with someone. EXACTLY where you  should look, and for how long.
• How to walk up calmly and confidently to a complete stranger, and start talking to them. (Even if the starnger is a good-looking person of the opposite sex!)
• How to answer the question: “Hey, how’s it going?” and similar questions easily and naturally.
• How to react to common experience shy people face, like when someone says “You’re shy” or “You’re quiet”.

P.S. The book’s not out yet, but you can still read the related report I wrote recently, called “How To Always Know What To Say Next“. It’s all about how to have natural conversations with people, without planning out any “lines”.